Happy new year, my beautiful ladies! Welcome to 2022 in which we are getting ready to do all the new things. If you have New Years resolutions, I hope one of those is for sure working on your sexual lives. Did you know that the jazzy in #JazzyJanuary stands for lively, bright, showy? And to me, that’s exactly what the month of January should be about. Let’s make it a lively new year!
What’s this #JazzyJanuary about?
So if we want to make this a lively January, we will have to look at what will make it lively. People generally set an intention or resolution for January, and #JazzyJanuary is all about making sure your resolution is to try out new things with your partner. But how do we start this, often difficult, conversation? When I ask people in my practice what they want, they like to start by telling me what they don’t want. But guys, if we call a cab and tell him we don’t want to go to the airport, he won’t start driving. He doesn’t know where to go. We will have to say where we want to go.
What does this mean?
We have to know what we want, and not what we don’t want. “You never want to try new things” is not going to be conducive to having an actual conversation about your wants. Be vulnerable when you talk to each other. This means opening up to your partner. It’s scary, I know. But without this vulnerability, this may become an argument instead of an open discussion. “I would like for us to try out using toys when you penetrate me”. That is a good way of explaining your wants. It also includes your partner in your request as you ask that you try it together. It’s your mutual project. It’s important to realize that your partner may struggle with your request. Does it mean you do not like the sex you are currently having? This is another reason to phrase the question in the “I”-form and make sure to include your partner in your statement.
#JazzyJanuary for the win!
To make your #JazzyJanuary more likely to succeed, make sure that you consider when to ask for more liveliness. If it is simply about giving pointers, during sexual acts is a good time. If you are trying to completely start something new, i.e. bondage or anal sex, it’s better to start this conversation at a non-sexual moment. In the same way, it is important how you ask for what you want. It is helpful to start from praise, i.e. “I love when you fuck me. I would love even more if we could try out a vibrator on my clit at the same time. We could start with you fucking me as usual, and me using the small vibrator on my clitoris”. Remember that you don’t have to act as if you aren’t nervous asking, it is better to show your partner that it is scary for you too, but that you are excited to try it out together (whatever it may be).
If you notice that you aren’t able to figure it out together, so that even though you have asked, your partner doesn’t seem to be picking up on it while sex or your partner does things you haven’t consented to, contact me. I would love to help you out!
