Last week we discussed the issues with female arousal. We also looked at the difference between arousal and desire. Quick recap: desire is wanting sex. Arousal is your body’s physiological response. This week we will be looking at arousal hack, i.e. 3 ways to get down and dirty. Remember that it isn’t true that you are ready to go constantly.
Arousal hack #1:
Think about what is your level of desire and figure out what’s your
partner’s. Desire a.k.a. the emotional willingness to have sex, is very individual. Also your desire may change over time. It depends on your circumstances. What I find normal sexual desire for myself, differs from what my partner may find normal sexual desire. It’s necessary to take the time and discuss these things with each other. You want to know that what you consider normal, may be the same for your partner or not. And remember, let me reiterate, there is NO RIGHT OR WRONG in this. Important is that if you notice you have your own ideas about what is “right” you might mess with your own desire. If I get stuck in this mindset that I am “supposed” to have sex however often and I do not manage that, I must be broken. Working on your thoughts on arousal/desire is very important.
Hack #2
As we have discussed previously, foreplay plays a big role in getting from desire to arousal. If I am stressed, even if I think my partner is a hunk, I won’t be able to get properly aroused. I cannot be struggling with work assignments in my head or with what the teacher said about the kids, while trying to get down and dirty. Fighting stress is actually quite hard, so finding professional help for that isn’t crazy. Don’t be afraid to communicate to your partner what you are struggling with, so they can be more patient with you. Also, they may be able to help with teh stress you are experiencing. Make sure to start incorporating relaxation exercises, and look into mindfulness. You can start off with the breathwork exercise we have done together.
Arousal advice #3
Maybe you are the type of woman who expects that arousal will just show up, *poof*, all by itself. That’s not how any of it works!
If you want to feel aroused, you have to work for it. You have to identify what it is that gets you hot and bothered most of the time and try out different things. So for example, watching porn maybe exactly what you need to warm you up or maybe it’s sharing sexy messages. For me, listening to sexy music definitely does the trick. I love dancing by myself and really feeling the music. Read sexy stories or ask your partner to kiss you and touch you without the feeling that you HAVE to have sex. If it does warm you up enough and you want to, go on and have fun!
I am always here to help you with ways to work on your desire and arousal. Send me an email or message me on one of my social media channels to get individual coaching sessions.
