Are you ready to to start our lessons? As I said in my previous post, we have to set the mood if we want to get it on. Foreplay is about all the acts you do, before you get to the S.E.X. That means I’m not just talking about the sexual acts that we do not see as straight up intercourse, such as oral sex. I’m talking about the “mind wooing”.
What’s this “mind wooing”?
As I’ve said before, we cannot expect to come home, or stop working from home and straight away get into sexy time. Men can get aroused easier than women. With this I mean men in general only need physical stimulation to achieve arousal, whereas women need mental stimulation as well. This means that if you want to get sexy, you need to work on that mental stimulation.
So how do I do this mental thing, huh?
For sexiness, you need to be relaxed. There is no way to get naked AND aroused if you are worrying about work or just had a fight with the kids or your partner. Remember that it isn’t just your partner’s job to set the tone (although it helps if they are willing to work with you to achieve arousal). Start by letting go of your day, which you can do for example by writing down your stressors for five minutes. This is contrary to just walking around with these thoughts which will get in the way of getting happily naked.
Ever heard of breathwork?
Breathwork means taking conscious control of your pace and/or depth of breathing. It reduces stress and induces states of bliss. Our vaginas get more sensitive when the heart pumps and the blood flows. For pleasure it is important that we work on our breathing. Stress leads to holding your breath.
A practice to do alone or with your partner, is to adapt a breathing pattern I use with my patients. Lie down, but keep your feet firmly planted on the ground. Put your hands on your stomach. When you breathe in for four seconds, imagine the air flowing in as a warm energy (see it as a flowing light) through your vagina, going through your spine and then hold it for four seconds and breathe out through your mouth, passing your heart, for eight seconds.
Other things to do
The most important thing is to make sure that whatever you do, it is aimed at giving you the relaxation you require before jumping into being sexually active. What you normally do to relax can help here as well. Be it taking a bath, a hot shower, a massage or cuddling, use what you need. Remember that we are working on setting the happy mood, so you are ready for sexiness.
Let me know if you have any questions! We can work on this in an individual session.
