Wonderful babes, have you missed me? Welcome to #JoyfulJuly! What did you think of this once a month writing instead of weekly? It was an experiment on my side, done to work on my own mental health, but I am wondering how you guys perceived it?
What’s #JoyfulJuly about?
I work on The Realest Psychologist next to my day time job, I have a radio show on mental health, I see private patients, I try and keep up with my people and then there’s you wonderful babes that I try and keep smart when it comes to your own sexual health. This #JoyfulJuly is about what I did by not writing weekly. I noticed that my need was to scale down the work, it was getting too much.
Talking about needs
#JoyfulJuly is about getting your sexual needs met by discussing them. It’s a topic I’ve mentioned on the side many times in other blogs, but this time it gets its own month. It is unbelievably important, because if you cannot articulate what you want from someone, you will not be able to have your needs met.
Do YOU know what you need?
If you’ve been listening/reading for a bit, you already know what my first thing will be. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT? If you don’t know what you want, you won’t be able to help someone else understand your needs. So use all the tools that I’ve already provided over the months, in order to experiment with what you like. When you know what it is, you can explain it much better.
Let’s talk about sex during #JoyfulJuly
Listen, we all know the uncomfortableness of talking or starting a conversation about sex. When do you begin? What do you start talking about first? When is the right time? All of these things: admit it. Tell your partner you are anxious to have this conversation and why (“I’m afraid you’ll find me silly” or “I don’t have the words to explain what I want”). And then go ahead and have this conversation regularly. Only by having these conversations more often it stops feeling so AWKWARD. Don’t delve straight away into a two hour conversation, start in short increments. Also, use examples to explain yourself (like from a movie or a book).
What topics though?
Talk about any and every important topic. It goes from straight up sex to more topics that have to do with your relationship. Be upfront about the things you notice and keep in mind that the both of you have different ideas and experiences. So, don’t be shy about asking the other person what they want and/or expect and expressing for yourself what you want and/or expect. Topics such as problems within your relationship (arguing a lot might make sexual time difficult), but also a question like “what does sex mean to you?” Is very important to hear the other person’s ideas and work on your problems.
All my single ladies
No, I did not forget about you, my ladies. How could I? Beyoncé made a song about you! You don’t have a significant other to discuss sex with, but that doesn’t mean you cannot start practicing. Ask yourself these questions and write them down in a journal. It’ll help make a topic like sex way less taboo and will help you have open and honest communication with your next partner.
If you need help in this area, contact me through info@therealestpsychologist.com or send a message through the contact form. I plan to launch a course on this soon, so let me know if you have any questions!
