It’s already the last (!) week of #ArousingApril, which means we will do some troubleshooting if the previous weeks tips didn’t help your arousal sufficiently. Arousal isn’t an easy subject because of how it also has to do with physiological processes. However, if you’ve kept up you might remember that a lot has to do with how we look at it all.
Problem 1: Frustration
Last week we discussed talking to your partner about your desire for sex and also figuring out your own. A common heard problem is that having this conversation is hard. And honestly, it is if talking to each other about sex isn’t something you normally do. But I hope you will take this as your starting point. You cannot figure out what the other person is thinking until you talk. You might think to know they are frustrated with your low libido, but they actually have the same or do not have a high drive. Maybe there are compromises you can make that will help your sexual explorations. Talk, before you let your own thoughts run away with you. If you notice that the problem is that your partner isn’t receptive, you can always direct them to the blog OR book a session together.
Problem 2: Again with the foreplay
As you might remember, we have had a whole month on foreplay. Still, foreplay remains a difficult issue, because it’s partly you and partly your partner. If we solely focus on you, you need to remember that you cannot bring the outdoors into your bed. Most Caribbean women will adhere to the idea that you have to shower or at least change your outside outfit when you are getting on your bed. If this is you, why is it that you think that it is okay to bring all your day stress into your relaxing action of sex? Whatever happened, whatever you are working on in your mind, will have to be parked at the door. To be able to get your desire going and subsequently the physiological changes for arousal, you need mental peace. Look into all the advice we have discussed when it comes to foreplay issues, but most importantly, do not forget the great power of your mind on your body.
Problem 3: Arousal needs work
We discussed that arousal doesn’t magical show up without you making it show up. Now maybe you started working on the advice I gave you last week, but you cannot figure it out. Let me reiterate: this is something you figure out for yourself. That doesn’t mean you cannot ask your partner to help you. For example, if naughty texting is you, you’ll have to rope in your partner. They have to be willing to engage in sexy banter. In this it’s important to try a lot of different things. Maybe it’s pictures for you, maybe it’s naught fantasies. Maybe it’s straight up telling them what they need to do to you when they walk in. Also, are your tastes more leaning to sexually explicit pictures or more tasteful nudity? Even in a relationship, unsolicited dick pics are NOT the way to go. Moreover, you need to establish when you will savor these messages. Can you sneak a glance and that’s your jam? Or do you need to have 15 minutes to fully talk through a fantasy? Especially when your arousal is difficult to obtain, you need to think of all of these details.
As usual, I am here to help you out with creative ideas to get your arousal going. You can contact me via email or the contact form on the website.
