I’ve had some frustration thrown my way. “Sure, The Realest Psychologist, you make it sound so easy, as if everyone can do Foreplay February. But my partner and I are struggling. We have a serious problem over here”. But you guys, I got you!
Problem 1: There is too much going on
One of the major things with the way our world has become during COVID is that a lot of people have found that they are struggling to cope with all the changes. All of the sudden we found ourselves in a lockdown (some place had multiple ones) and you might have been stuck at home with your partner. Of course we love our partners, but nobody signed up for 24/7 together WHILE juggling a pandemic, homeschooling, working from home or losing a job.
That your mind is not constantly on sex is… not so surprising. However, we know that the relationship and you personally benefit from having sex. So we HAVE to work on this problem. Important is to see your sexual connection as something that takes precedence. Empty your mind by doing any of the tips we discussed like writing down what is bothering you mentally, so the mind is free to engage in other activities. The objective is to make space for thoughts about sex. Remembering: relaxation is key here, and whether that means candles, music, a hot shower or breathwork, do it for your mindset.
Problem 2: My Partner Goes Too Fast
This is an issue surrounding the idea of foreplay. We tend to think it’s just the warmup to the next stage, but here’s the thing: A good three course meal is meant to be balanced. Every dish is supposed to fit in with the other, in order to make it a magnificent experience. You don’t snort up the appetizer so you can get to the entrée. So don’t speed through Foreplay February, because you wanna get to dessert (the orgasm, duh).
Communication in this is very important. You can talk before y’all get down and dirty, preferably at some quiet and calm time where you can both focus. Don’t say things like: “You never meet my sexual needs!” or “You are Speedy Gonzalez”. It is about expressing what you want and need from your partner. So it sounds more like: “I feel less aroused when we are kissing and I straight away feel your fingers in my pants. I would like to take it slower, which means for me, more kissing and slowly undressing each other”. But also during you can guide your partner by moving their hands to where you would like them to be, slow down a kiss, close your mouth so as to not have their tongue as deeply in your throat.
Problem 3: I Just Want It To Be Over
My girl, this one requires a long talk and preferably a session. What is it that makes you not be into being sexual with your partner? Is this something to do with you, as in your mind isn’t it (see problem 1) or is it your partner (see problem 2). Or is it something related to experiences you have had? Whatever it is, you need to work on this. I am not even thinking about your partner, but about your own physical and mental health. Sex is good for us (masturbation falls under this category). I don’t want you to miss out on Foreplay February, because of some reason that we can work on. Contact me either via my socials (The Realest Psychologist on Facebook) or send me an email so we can set up a session.
