We have exclusively been talking about masturbation this month and all the benefits. But I know some of you have been running into problems. It’s time for us to address these.
1. I feel shame when it comes to masturbation
Especially as Caribbean women we have been raised with shame when it comes to sex. Masturbation is even worse, because it means that we as women are having sex. A lot of Caribbean islands have a Christian background. Unfortunately this brings stereotypes into female sexuality. Masturbation for women is because they are lustful creatures (I cannot understand why that’s a bad thing). If it’s not just lustfulness, it’s because women have attachment issues. The truth however is that masturbation is a common practice, more so for men than women. It aids in sexual development (a.k.a. knowing what you like). I hope this month helped you realize that masturbation is something very normal and actually healthy. You will not go blind nor is your relationship unsatisfying if you masturbate. Actually, masturbation helps with your physical pain and women have happier marriages when they masturbate.
2. My SO doesn’t like masturbation
If you are in a relationship, masturbation can be a point of contention. Generally women tend to ask each other if it’s strange that their male partner masturbates. At the same time a male (or female partner) may feel insecure knowing that their partner masturbates. This mainly becomes an issue when the woman cannot achieve an orgasm with their partner, but can always orgasm with masturbation. This can be very upsetting for the partner. It may lead to not wanting the other one to masturbate. Here’s my two cents: masturbation can help you understand what you need. This does mean that you have to have a serious conversation (or multiple). Your partner needs to know that it isn’t on them. Together you will have to figure out how to apply your lessons from masturbation to the two of you. This month was meant to teach you more about your body, but you also have to help your partner understand your needs.
3. I cannot reach an orgasm by masturbation
This is a very frustrating problem. Science tells us that about 5 to 10% of women can never reach an orgasm, with or without a partner. Still, this doesn’t say much about the why. Most commonly, it’s a problem with not knowing how to pleasure yourself. Quite probably you have never found the right button to push when it comes to your pleasure. We have talked about the ooPPS, but don’t forget that you also need to have your mindset right. Maybe that means watching porn, reading sexy stories etc. You may have issues with what turns you on, because it is something that is taboo (to you). There is only a small subset of women for who it’s a legit gynecologic issue. Please feel free to reach out to me, so I can advice you. Remember, the point of masturbation is to play around and find out what you like. Don’t give up or get bored. Pleasure is there for you too.
