The spooky month is upon us and to startle you: 10 to 15% of women have never had an orgasm. So that was the main reason for dubbing this #OhOctober. I have probably already introduced you to this number, but to me, it’ll always be one of the most spooky facts of sexual science for women. So instead of just screaming in fear this month, let’s scream for pleasure (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)!
#OhOctober Orgasm Facts
There is a large percentage of women who do not orgasm (to me at least that number is much too high). Also, the remaining percentage of 75% of women do not orgasm reliably with intercourse. Let’s study the numbers for a bit. 11% of women can reliably orgasm if it’s their first time with a partner, whereas after 6 months of a relationship 67% of heterosexual women can orgasm with that partner. About 16% of women cannot say by the age of 28 whether they have orgasmed, or say they haven’t. So, let’s look at the definition of what it means to have an orgasm? Orgasm, according to Alfred Kinsey (a pioneer in the study of human sexuality), is the sudden, involuntary release of sexual tension. Maybe you noticed that there is no mention of genitals or pleasure? It’s because all women are different and the way they orgasm is different.
Wait… so what leads to orgasm?
You may be reading these numbers and the definition and be like: “So what is this psychologist getting at? When are we getting to my orgasm?”. Here’s the thing: I cannot give you a magic key. Orgasms are a release of sexual tension, thus we need to work on building up that sexual tension in order for there to be something that is released. That means that we need to look at something else than your physical body when trying to understand why you get stuck. What we know and what I’ve been saying throughout our time together, we need to look at setting a scene. It has to work for you to elevate your sexual tension. Look at #ForeplayFebruary and #ArousingApril’s blogs to find more information on this. Remember, the scene has to be something that you find attractive, appealing and increases your feeling of excitement and arousal.
How to make #OhOctober pleasurable?
I am going to recommend something now that will go against everything you thought this month would be about: Do. Not. Focus. On. Your. Orgasm. Wait, what? Has she lost her mind?? I haven’t (although, I can’t promise anything), so please hear me out first. Imagine knowing you have a date with someone you have liked for a long time. You are going to cook for them, your famous dish, because that’s the way to someone’s heart. The person hypes up the proposed food and the pressure is on. More people start messaging you, because you are all in the same friend group. A lot is riding on you making this. You are feeling more and more stressed. The oven is too hot, you couldn’t find the right butter and the list goes on.
By the time your date shows up, you are over the night and the food. You are so stressed, you, normally a great conversationalist, are quiet and you just stare at your date eating your meal, because it has to be great. Your date compliments you and eventually leaves because you cannot relax. Did you enjoy any of it? Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, not because of the “orgasm”, but because you feel pleasure. So, that’s your challenge: focus on the fun and pleasure. That’s what the “Oh” stands for this month in #OhOctober. And of course, let me know how it goes!
