I remember dating someone long distance who after months asked me why we never dirty talk. I got annoyed at first. Yes, the psychologist also gets irritated sometimes. We’d been together for a bit and I am a super easy going partner. I didn’t understand why the question. If it is what you want, you’ll have to just go ahead and try it out. But quickly I understood that fear/shame was playing a role and so I helped out (yes, the psychologist is also always active in my brain). And luckily for you girls, I’m always here with the right information! Welcome to #DirtyDecember!
What’s #DirtyDecember?
This the month where I teach you about how to dirty talk. Let’s first start with what does dirty talk even mean? Dirty talk means talking about sexual acts in an explicit, arousing way before or during sex technically. I am not crazy about this definition, because you can use dirty talk as if it’s a stand alone sexual act. It isn’t literally dirty as in unsanitary, but because the talking is about sex we like to call it dirty. Like in my example, the person I was dating wasn’t feeling comfortable to start this themselves. Research shows that people who do not talk about sex or fear mentioning their sexual needs and wants generally enjoy sex less. So, dirty talk can actually improve your sex life, and help you discuss consent. Win-win.
How to do this?
A lot of people do not feel comfortable talking about sex, which is why I even exist and am here to help you guys with all your sex troubles. Dirty talk as mentioned can actually help you improve your sex life, because you will learn how to talk about the things that make you hot and bothered and helps your partner learn. As you might have realized, I’m all about communication. So let’s teach you how to do this. Always make sure you start comfortably. Just because you are going to dirty talk, doesn’t straight away turn you into a sex phone operator. Start with letting your partner know that you want them or that whatever they are doing is good (“I love when you…”). Work on using your words, and with that I mean, get comfortable with your words. This means that you get to say words like “fuck”, “come”, “harder”, “wet”, “pussy”. Also, be clear! Don’t be afraid to say what you want.
#DirtyDecember long distance
Long distance can of course also allow for a lot of practice! It is something you can do when you can’t be close. You can be on the phone, video-calling or texting. The guidelines we discussed are the same. Be specific and explicit, use your words and let your partner feel comfortable, knowing that you want to do this with them and that you will be vocal about what you like and don’t like. Our digital world allows for a lot of teasing, even without being very specific. Why not send them a voicenote of you moaning? Or a sexy picture without giving anything away (I always claim I want to be the president of the United States one day and I won’t be able to with naked pictures out there).
What not to do?
As said, dirty talk is easy to start with this #DirtyDecember, however as with any type of communication, we can do things wrong. Remember, you are not a sex phone operator. Take your time, don’t overdo it. Also, please do not overthink it. Enjoy what you are doing. No reason to make it anything more than it is. Be comfortable with what you are doing. As said, compliment each other and make it less awkward. And the MOST important what not to do… don’t judge each other. We all have our own desires, so don’t judge someone else’s. My single ladies, this one is the one that might be harder. At least work on being comfortable with the words, for when you do have a partner. And of course, let me know if you need help.
